Author: Benyamin Ahmed

He wanted to buy one, but the names were all so emasculatin’. There’s no “Ram” or “Titan”. Plus, givin’ a fudge ain’t cool. Right. Anyway, he got a “Spark”. Guess he thought that sounded cool. … His car’s named after a women’s basketball team. Woah. … Can I tell him? … Please? Read more →

What are y’all doing this weekend? Nothing too crazy. Three Stooges marathon. I see. I see. Who’s running with you guys? Read more →

A joint account? Things are getting serious! I know, right? It’s exciting, I’m just not sure I still smoke enough to justify it. Uh… Read more →

See? I know what I’m talking about. You should have listened to me. Yana? What? Ferme la bouche. So then, you noticed? Kegel exercises are paying off. Read more →

Just feeling a little off lately. For starters, my sex drive is at an all-time low. Yeah? Usenet. Filled a four terabyte in just a couple of days. Uh… thanks for helping? Read more →

What was I just saying? You were saying I don’t listen. No. Before that. Uhh… I was talking about Max Planck. Okay. I remember now. Do you? Sure. I think it’s working too. Your abs look great. Read more →

Anita Borg? What about her? Her? No-no-no-no-no. Posthumans aren’t going to just create themselves. … Actually… … You know what? Forget it. Read more →

You’re awfully quiet. Just feelin’ a little blue. Yeah, baby! I got the DVD box set of Red Shoe Diaries for times like these! That’s not— You know what? Pop it in. Read more →

Whatever. She’s cute. I like a girl with curves. Bee – she’s bowlegged. I stand by my statement. Read more →

I was reading this book, and you know who doesn’t get a lot of credit? The Incas. Well, they’re basically just tracing. Woah. That’s deep. It’s like – everybody’s “just tracing”. Read more →

He was putting his buddy under the bus in a suitcase. Then his pal would sneak out, steal all the valuables from other bags, and get back in. Wow. Pretty clever. I once read about a dude in Germany who shipped himself out of prison. They never found him. He’s still out there somewhere. … If he does turn up,… Read more →

Yeah? Well, I didn’t like his tone, so I thumped him. What of it? Who does that? Umm… I hit him right after she did. Wow. Y’all are a couple of misfits. Thanks. Yeah. We’ve both been working out. Read more →

Chris Pratt is the best! The best! Yeah, for sure, right? The trick, I think, is to cook ’em slow and use lots of basil. Read more →

Ayo… we’re probably going to see this Jim Breuer thing in October. You want to come? Really? This craft beer stuff is getting out of hand. Read more →

Hey, Missy – you’re so fine – you’re so fine you blow my mind! Hey, Missy! Poom-poom-poom! Hey, Missy! Poom-poom-poom! It’s “Mickey”. Is it? You know what? I watched “Stick It” two times today. Yeah? Well then you’re going to love what’s about to happen. Read more →

So… what y’all been talkin’ about while I was gone? The microbiome. Uh… I… It’s the— No, wait. Wait. Let’s see what he’s going to say. Aww… come on, y’all. I’m not some kind of idiot. My mom has a coffee table book about wartime homes. … I skimmed it. Read more →

I said I had too many notes sitting around and she told me I should “put it all in Google Keep”. What exactly is a “Google Keep”? I bet Google stole the design from the Normans just like they stole Oracle’s coffee thingamajig. Read more →

What do you think? Can I pull this off? Wow! Yes! Would you? … That’s good! That’s good! Real slowly like that. Very sexy. Read more →

The whole project has been sort of a disaster. Keep tellin’ ’em the same things but they’re not listenin’. Leverage the DOM. Leverage the DOM. Leverage the DOM. Sounds frustrating. Umm – I’ve got some handcuffs and ropes I could lend you. Read more →

I know you and I are forever because… We’re so in synch that I can finish your sentences? Wow. No. That’s not what I was going to say at all. Okay – you’ve ruined the moment. … Cool. Read more →

So what’s this course you’re taking? Data modeling. Really? I don’t know about that. … I think, if we can just get you a gold tunic, you’d be a dead ringer for Yar. Read more →